I'm Your Baby Forever

Yesterday, my baby boy turned three. One month ago, we used the last pull-up/diaper in our home. Tonight, I did something that I almost never did...I rocked my baby to sleep. I was adamantly opposed to rocking my child to sleep regularly, which was my personal preference. Tonight, I felt myself clinging to any piece of a baby/toddler that I might have around my house. So I rocked him. I told him, like I almost daily do, that he is a walking miracle child. In fact, last night when I was having this discussion with him, I asked him if he understood what a miracle is, to which he responded, "yes...Joseph, Jesus, and the Grinch." Sort of, buddy. And after I was done rocking him, I put him in his bed (which is newly without bed rails) and he opened his eyes to look at me and said, "sleep with me mommy." He says this every night. Tonight, I may have been tempted to jump in bed with him since my flight departs at 7:30 am and I won't see him for a few days. But, while I rocked him, he had some killer flatulence and I wasn't about to subject myself to that punishment. As I walked out, he said, "mommy...I'm your baby forever." I love those words. And now I understand why my parents called me their baby forever...annoyingly long. But I was their last. I get that now. We are done having kids. We are closed for business, so to speak. I have no regrets about that. But as of a few weeks ago, I find myself just longing to soak up time with my youngest. I'm sure it is due to the fact that I know I will never see this age again, and I actually really love the two year old age. Moreover, Fisher is like a kindred spirit of mine. And before anyone thinks it...I don't love one of my kids more than another, but there is certainly a different type of connection for me with Fisher. Adam understands Harrison in ways that I cannot relate to and I believe the same goes for my relationship with Fisher. Anyway, all of this has me thinking about if this time is like an Empty Nesters Syndrome; only such different points in their lives. But I desperately want to bring them back yet I'm so proud of who they are becoming and do not want to stand in the way of that. That's similar, right? Maybe I'm just looking to explain this new place of transition that I have found myself in unexpectedly. Adam and I keep hoping and praying that our life will have minimal transition as we have literally transitioned something huge every year since we were married. Now I'm starting to think that life is just a series of transitions. And that's what makes life a journey. How you live your life in those transitions seems to be what is most important.

It Has Been a While

So, I randomly just decided to check my blog tonight as I was curious really how long it had been. You know, with Harrison, I posted too regularly and had each year (the first three) made into a blog book. For Fisher, well, I haven't done any of that. It is a shame. It is one of those things that as you look at other parents, you proudly declare that "I will do it differently." Similar to before you have kids and you say "I will never" to all of those things that you inevitably do within your first 6 months. I was one of those pet people that was sure that my pets wouldn't be on the back burner once I had kids. After all, I had two big dogs that I loved and I wanted to take them every where. Well, that changed in about .2 hours. Life is totally different now. I'm a traveling, working mom. And it is crazy tough. I travel almost every Tuesday through Thursday. This mostly means that I have an amazing husband who keeps life afloat without me...which honestly brings me the greatest joy, yet in this weird way brings me guilt that I'm not needed in this awful co-dependent way. On Tuesday mornings on the plane, I often second-guess my career choice. I can't believe I'm leaving the three most important people in my life behind for two and a half days. It is incredibly hard. Sometimes I will journal about it. More often than not, I usually develop this crazy lump in my throat. But the reality is...life is hard. And it is full of choices. And we have to make sacrifices. One thing I know, is that I'm exactly where the Lord wants me. Now, it gives me a peace of mind as I leave every Tuesday...but it doesn't really make it less hard. I have also learned to not let others judge your sacrifice. Working for a super-conservative company, I have heard around the water-cooler, "well I guess she chose her career over her kids." That statement literally makes me want to punch someone...and then elbow drop them. The reality is...I'm choosing Jesus...and His plans for my life. What that means...well, when I get home on Thursday, I'm a much better mom than I would have been if I had been there all week. I know...it sounds crazy. But I miss them so terribly, that I just want to squeeze and pester them all hours of the day. Now that I'm typing this, I'm not sure those facts qualify me as a better mom...but you will just have to trust me. I know there will be a day when my boys ask me why I was gone so much. In fact, Harrison has begged me a few times to not leave. And, wow, those days are crazy-difficult. But the joy that my explanation brings me and them in why I leave, makes it worth it. So, why do you do what you do? I'm learning that figuring out the answer to that "why" question, makes all of the difference in the world.

Sass's Pictures from Dirty 30

Sass took some pictures of my boys (and all of the other kids) at my 30th Birthday Bash. I wish I had taken pictures that day because my favorite people on the planet were definitely there and I never got any pictures. It was such a fun day. Not to mention...I got to share it with these cute kiddos.

For the sake of putting something on here...

I need to hire someone to blog for me. And really, take pictures for me. My new job training has taken me away from the kiddos and I really haven't been around them to take pictures. And when I am around, all I can think about is spending time with them. I miss them like crazy so if you see any of my boys, give them a squeeze for me. But this comes up what the boys are doing without me...going to the beach...having fun.

Meeting Brantley Bagwell

We finally got to meet baby Brantley on Easter weekend. Amanda, being the super mom that she is, invited the whole family to her house (before Brantley was even two weeks old) to have lunch together and do a little Easter egg hunt. She is way more of a trooper than I am. I would've never invited my kids over to a house as they definitely disturb the peace. But, she is way more of a natural at being a mom than I was. Anyway, it was fun to see our boys around their first cousin. Harrison, was sweet and gentle...as I expected. Fisher was the opposite and looked like he wanted to eat Brantley. Actually, looking at him in the "cousins" picture with Nana and Papa, it looks like he did eat him. They were both super cute, nonetheless. And Brantley seemed crazy small to me, but my last baby was the size of a six month old when he was born, so it is hard for me to compare. And well, we tried to get a good picture of the grandparents with their three boys. I couldn't find a good one (in 15 of them), so I chose one that made me laugh...see Fisher.

Easter Shots

For Easter, I thought I would get Sass to take some pictures of us out at Boone Hall since we would be all dressed-up. In my efficient mind, that made so much sense...until I realized what time we would have to be there. And actually, it all would've worked out if Fisher had not face planted within two minutes of being there. For him to recover was next to impossible. But either way, Sass worked her magic and did a great job. You can see some more here. Thanks Sass. I'll love and treasure these forever.

Uncle Adam

Okay, so I'm afraid that this blog may have a new inductee...our nephew, Brantley Bagwell. I haven't even gotten my hands on him yet and I'm about to explode with joy over him. Who knew being an aunt would be this exciting? The crazy part about this picture...when I saw it, it sort of made me want to have another baby. But I think when anyone sees their husband holding a baby, that happens, right?